I am convicted today.
I make a meager living teaching kids about things like grace, forgiveness and tolerance. I tell them that God will love them through the worst hardships and that everything will be ok in the end..if its not ok, its not the end. Lean back into His everlasting arms as if in a trust fall and He will catch you.
Its my turn now. And today I’m scared to the point of strangled panic.
I’ve been asked for a last chance, to trust once more, to extend enough grace for one week, to see things new and start fresh. I’ve done this all before and am unused to the new feelings of anger, detachment and resentment. I have to clear my head and do this right.
Its what I’m called to do.
It had been luxurious to answer the call while in the state of ignorant bliss. When hurt and despair slithered in, I fought and became focused and intentional in my teaching. Now I’m empty and sore and my work is cut out for me. Tonight I had to admit to fear. I reached out and asked people to pray. And then there was prayer waiting for me.
It occurs to me that I’m being called out. Jesus may want to confirm what I’m made of. I’ve done plenty of talking the talk, can I walk the walk? I want to pass this test with flying colors. To answer the call again. This time it counts. For me, my family, those who trust me to lead and the One who called me.
It’ll all be ok in the end…in the meantime, I’m leaning.
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