The Spiritual Shuffle

So I do this thing.

A couple of years ago I was given an iPod for Christmas. It has changed the way I listen to music.

I. love it.

It is the soundtrack of my life. Any song that was ever anything to me is on there. I also have musical gifts from friends, songs from bands my daughters and youth group kids have introduced me to, soundtracks from movies I love. 886 songs in all. While I am a youth leader by call, I am a music lover by nature. There is everything from Contemporary Praise and Worship music to Kid Rock to 80’s pop. It rocks my world…

…and it allows me to have conversations with God.

I try to do it in the morning but it works anytime. I start with prayer. Prayer for good conversation. Its like the mental state you get into before a phone call to a good friend who lives far away. A clearing of one’s head. Then I reset my iPod, dial back to Music, then Shuffle Songs, and hit that middle button. The way I see it, God decides what happens next, so I just listen to what He has to say. Sometimes its silly, sometimes funny and other times achingly profound. I let it play and really try to be conscious of what I’m supposed to hear.

This practice, at different times, has spurred me to prayer, encouraged me, enraged me and made me giddy with joy.

As a result, God and I have sung, danced and cried together during our conversations…we talk almost everyday.

I’m aware that this is very close to something we veteran leaders call Bible Dipping, opening the Bible and blindly pointing out your verse for the day. At the very least you’re in the Word. Not as responsible as solid Bible learnin’, but its a whole lot better than nothing!

Occasionally its the title of the song that is a very direct message, in some cases there will be a line or a refrain that jumps out of the speakers and stops me in my tracks. In my favorite times, God and I will share a private moment, one that is just ours, where I know He knows. I usually let it run as long as possible. Some days it’s 5 songs as I get ready to face the world, other times its a long, drawn out conversation that takes place throughout the day.

I know it sounds crazy…God in an iPod?! But aren’t we all just called to listen for His voice? If our lives are all mapped out by His master plan, wouldn’t the God I love, and that loves me, include a soundtrack? And if that lifetrack is contained in one little Apple product, and I set that product to play a “random” playlist, wouldn’t God pick that out too?

I dare you to try. No cheating. No skipping. Although repeating is not only allowed but encouraged. I once started listening to Madonna’s “Live to Tell” 4 times because I kept getting distracted. Each time I was sent strong reminders that said, “HEY!! I was in the middle of a conversation!”. When I finally sat and listened all the way through I heard God say:

If I ran away, I’d never have the strength to go very far.
How would they hear the beating of my heart?
Will it grow cold?
The secret that I hide, will I grow old?
How will they hear?
When will they learn?
How will they know?

I’m a music lover by nature, but a youth leader by call…I’ll take almost any opportunity to listen what He had to say.

It's all about the Climb...

I am convicted today.

I make a meager living teaching kids about things like grace, forgiveness and tolerance. I tell them that God will love them through the worst hardships and that everything will be ok in the end..if its not ok, its not the end. Lean back into His everlasting arms as if in a trust fall and He will catch you.

Its my turn now. And today I’m scared to the point of strangled panic.

I’ve been asked for a last chance, to trust once more, to extend enough grace for one week, to see things new and start fresh. I’ve done this all before and am unused to the new feelings of anger, detachment and resentment. I have to clear my head and do this right.

Its what I’m called to do.

It had been luxurious to answer the call while in the state of ignorant bliss. When hurt and despair slithered in, I fought and became focused and intentional in my teaching. Now I’m empty and sore and my work is cut out for me. Tonight I had to admit to fear. I reached out and asked people to pray. And then there was prayer waiting for me.

It occurs to me that I’m being called out. Jesus may want to confirm what I’m made of. I’ve done plenty of talking the talk, can I walk the walk? I want to pass this test with flying colors. To answer the call again. This time it counts. For me, my family, those who trust me to lead and the One who called me.

It’ll all be ok in the end…in the meantime, I’m leaning.